When Love and Light Turn Toxic: A Witchy Call-Out of Spiritual Bypassing

There’s a part of me that hesitated to write this. Not because I’m unsure of what I feel — but because I know it will ruffle some feathers. Especially in the spiritual space. But I believe I believe in shadow work. Ans as a witch and urban mystic, I believe in saying the things that are hard to say, especially when they hide behind glittery words and polished  crystals. So here it is: Not all pain is divinely planned. Not every trauma is a soul contract. Not every moment of suffering is a lesson you “chose.”

And pretending otherwise? That’s not spiritual. That’s bypassing.

The Problem with the so called “Love and Light”

I know the phrase is meant to sound kind. Pure. Elevated. And look, I love a good candlelit ritual and an uplifting mantra as much as most mystics. But somewhere along the way, “love and light” became less about compassion and more about avoidance.

It became code for:

• Don’t be too emotional about something.

• Don’t talk about pain. And most certainly don't fight for your right.

• Don’t question systems, the universe knows what it is doing.

• Just stay “good vibes only” and keep smiling. An believe me, I looove me some good vibes— but there’s a time for that, and there’s a time when other parts of our lives need space, too.

Because in those times "good vibes only" is not healing. It's repression.

The Dangerous Side of Soul Contracts

Here’s where it gets personal. A family member of mine is deeply into New Age teachings — and while I respect everyone’s spiritual path, some of the things I’ve heard over the years have left me cold. Like the idea that even horrific acts — violence, abuse, oppression — are simply part of a “soul agreement.” That people “chose” their suffering before birth. That everything painful is here to teach a divine lesson. That victims of trauma somehow “called it in” for their spiritual growth.

Let me be clear: That’s not wisdom. That’s a way of escaping the discomfort of reality. It’s a spiritualized version of victim-blaming — wrapped in soft colors and pseudo wisdom.

What Is Spiritual Bypassing?

Psychologist John Welwood coined the term “spiritual bypassing” to describe the use of spiritual ideas and practices to sidestep or avoid facing unresolved emotional issues, psychological wounds, and painful truths.

It often sounds like:

• “Everything happens for a reason.”

• “You just need to raise your vibration.”

• “Don’t dwell in negativity.”

• “It’s just karma playing out.”

But behind those words is a refusal to engage with real, messy, human emotion. With trauma. With injustice. With accountability. And even IF everything happens for a reason, in this moment in time, we do live an incarnated, human live, with human thoughts, feelings, rules and experiences in general. Isn't that why we are here, to have a human perspective, human experiences?

A Witch’s Perspective: Shadow Work > Soul Excuses

Talking about human experiences. As a witch — and someone who believes in both science and spirit — I’m not here to dismiss all spiritual ideas. I’ve done soul retrieval. I’ve felt the presence of ancestors and guides. I work with energy and intuition daily and yes, I did and do, to some extent, believe that things can happen for a reason.

But I also know this: Real spiritual work includes grief. Rage. Shame. Doubt. It invites the shadow to speak. It doesn’t shame your nervous system for responding to trauma. It doesn’t tell survivors they “manifested” abuse. It doesn’t excuse violence by dressing it up as divine alignment. If your spiritual practice requires you to abandon your empathy or ignore systemic harm — That's not healing. That's fucking privilege. And it’s denial. It is also moral superiority —a subtle but dangerous belief that being “spiritual” makes you immune to accountability. That your “higher perspective” exempts you from engaging with real-world pain. That if someone is suffering, it’s because they’re not as awakened as you are. That’s not wisdom. That’s bypassing dressed as enlightenment — and it disconnects us from the very humanity we’re here to heal.

True spiritual work doesn’t float above reality. It meets it head-on. It doesn’t bypass the broken systems we live in — it demands we reckon with them. It asks not just what’s unhealed in me, but also what needs to change in the world I’m part of. Because we don’t ascend by ignoring the mess. We ascend by learning to hold it — with grace, grit, and grounded compassion.

What Real Healing Looks Like

Real healing is raw. It’s slow. It’s non-linear. It sits with the crying part. The angry part. The part that still flinches. It asks: What do you need? Not: How quickly can I fix you so you’re easier to be around? It acknowledges that not everything has a silver lining — and that some things shouldn’t have to. It knows that sacred rage can be just as holy as gratitude. That boundaries can be as spiritual as forgiveness. That staying grounded in a world full of injustice isn’t “low vibe” — it’s revolutionary.

In Closing

I know this article might challenge some beliefs. That’s okay. My intention isn’t to shame anyone who’s found comfort in the idea of soul plans. I get it — the thought that there’s meaning in suffering can feel comforting when everything else feels senseless. But meaning doesn’t always come from pre-written contracts. Sometimes it comes from how we respond, how we heal, how we connect. So if you’ve ever felt silenced by spiritual spaces that told you to “look on the bright side” or “trust the universe” when what you really needed was a witness — this is for you.

Your pain is not a spiritual inconvenience. You don’t have to smile through injustice. You don’t have to find a higher meaning for every scar. You just have to stay present. Stay honest. And keep choosing the kind of healing that holds space for all of you — not just the parts that sparkle. And if someone tells you that your trauma was “just a soul plan”...Tell them your soul is currently rewriting the script.